Spilt Milk 004

So today I went to church, and like always, it made me feel better. Its funny but sometimes its not even the words that are spoken during the sermon, not the songs sung, or even the prayers prayed that speak to me the most. I think its more the feeling of belonging to a group of people, who all have similar goals and beliefs. I know my last three entries have been horribly grouchy, but maybe things will turn around? Who knows. It seems like lately Ive been on an emotional roller coaster. Up down up down up down. I dont even know when Im actually really happy either because Ive faked being happy so much. I have the habit of pretending to be happy. That isnt necessarily the worst thing to pretend, but Ive noticed that it seems to have long term effects on me. I get so into the habit of faking to be happy, and being strong for other people, and not hurting other peoples feelings, that I practically brainwash myself into ignorance. "hes a good person, hes changing"

Spilt Milk 003

Yes, I'm writing this entry right after the second. And yes, I know that its four thirty in the morning. Well...four thirty eight to be exact. But, I really dont care. It doesnt really matter that much. Sleep is so over rated nowadays. My mom always complains that I dont get enough sleep. The thing is I do. I just choose to get my hours of sleep at a completely different time of the day than "normal people" as she calls them. So what if I prefer staying up to the early hours of the morning talking to people online that I barely know, and then wake up halfway though the day? Its my day and Ill spend it how I want too. Thank you very much.

Spilt Milk 002

I just finished posting my first post ever on this blog, and though I think conventionally theres at least a small gap of time before people write the next blog entry, I've decided to be "out of the box" and just do whatever the hell I want too. Its not as if anyones going to read this anyway. My, I sound downright cheerful dont I? Then again I did base this whole blog on "crying over spilt milk" those things in life that apparantly arent supposed to matter to us. I bet someone who does read this is going to think I'm a terribly bitchy and whiny person, complaining about one saying and ranting about it. The thing is I could be out in public, causing trouble, backing up drive thru lines, calling in complaints, asking to speak to managers, just to get out all my frustration. But I dont. I keep it all pent up inside, and vent it out here. You dont like it? Dont read it, plain and simple. After all its silly to get all flustered about things that dont even really concern you. Its almost as ridiculous as crying about spilt milk. Just saying....


...
and yes I threw that last line in there to be sarcastic and whitty. How lovely of you to notice.

Spilt Milk 001.

I'm sitting here staring at the notepad application on my computer screen. Its full screen and the stark whiteness of it is starting to hurt my eyes.
They feel heavy and I know Im tired. I also know, that I have to be up early in the morning for church tomorrow. This doesnt bother me very much.
Im tempted to turn on some music, but to be honest I cant think of anything that wasnt too happy or that wouldent make me cry.
Im so tired of crying. Theres a saying that goes, "dont  cry over spilt milk". I never really got that saying. Why wouldent you cry over spilt milk?
Not that I would, but Im just saying what if it was someones only food?  What if they were starving? I think it would be understandable if they cried then.
But then again, if I was starving, and the only thing I had was milk, and I was clumsy enough to spill it, id lick it off the floor. Ew gross. I know Im thinking it too but we arent dying, we arent starving to death.
So of course we think its gross. But if we were ever desperate enough, I really dont think itd matter that much.